


His Scent On You

by MilkTeaMiku



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alpha Magnus Bane, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Omega Alec Lightwood, Omega Verse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Scent Marking, Scenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2018-12-31 14:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12134847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilkTeaMiku/pseuds/MilkTeaMiku
Summary: Alec is an omega, and hasn't told Magnus, his alpha. Revealing his secret doesn't quite go as planned.





	1. Chapter 1

Alec hadn’t always been an omega. Well, he had, but he just hadn’t wanted to believe it. The Lightwoods prided themselves on their strong, alpha heritage – more than eighty percent of their ancestors had been born alphas, and that included ninety percent of the males born into the family. There were no male omegas, and hardly any female ones for that matter. Even Isabelle was an alpha, and a strong one at that.

No one really knew Alec was an omega, except for a select few people. Isabelle and Max, for starters, knew. Alec had never been able to hide his more omega instincts around them, not when his body urged him to protect and nurture the people closest to him. His siblings were remarkably talented at keeping his secret from their parents, thankfully, and while Alec didn’t like making them lie, it certainly was a secret that had to be withheld. 

His Parabatai knew, as well. Alec and Jace were as close as two people could get without bonding. Their Parabatai runes linked their minds, bodies, and souls, so Jace had always known Alec’s true dynamic. As Parabatai, there was no hiding something like that. It was more than Jace sensing his pain when he was experiencing his heat cycles, more than just a physical link; it came down to the way their very souls were intertwined. 

In the same way Alec knew Jace was an alpha without either being told or smelling it, Jace knew that Alec was an omega. It was simple.

But they were the only people he’d ever told, or who had ever found out. Just Isabelle, Max, and Jace. Scent-blocking shampoo and soaps did wonders to keep his omega scent hidden, as did runes with similar functions. He wasn’t meant to have them activated so often, but runes were much more reliable than shampoo, so he did. He supposed it helped that Isabelle and Jace scented him often – covering him in their scents to muffle his own and ward off overzealous alphas who thought that perhaps he smelt like an omega.

For all intents and purposes, Alec was an alpha. He had the height and broad shoulders typically gifted to alphas, and he certainly wasn’t soft or docile in any way. He carried himself like a strong alpha. With a family full of alphas, people just assumed he was one as well, and that worked perfectly for him.

At least, most of the time.

One of the biggest problems he had with hiding his identity was his heat cycles. All omegas had them, unless they used suppressants. An omega would typically go into heat two or three times a year, from anywhere between two to five days. He’d heard that some omegas had heats for a week and could only wince in sympathy. Heats were meant to be a time for breeding, but that mindset had sort of disappeared as omega rights were enforced. That’s why suppressants were more common for omegas these days.

While it was a time of exponentially increased fertility in omegas, now it was more about letting one’s body rectify its cycle and go through a sort of detox of hormones. Suppressants were only healthy to use for a certain amount of time, so while a few heats could be avoided, all omegas had to go through them eventually, just to let both instincts and hormones settle back into their natural routine. Using suppressants for too long chanced a whole host of problems, including illness, fatigue and even infertility.

And while Alec certainly wasn’t happy with being an omega, he knew he couldn’t treat his body badly. It would affect his performance as a Shadowhunter, as a Parabatai and brother. When he did use suppressants, he was always sure to go off them at some point. That’s when Isabelle’s and Jace’s scenting worked wonders both for chasing away unwanted, overtly curious people and for settling his raging instincts. 

Of course, that wasn’t the only problem he had. The thing bothering him the most at the moment was that he hadn’t told Magnus. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to, but the opportunity had never occurred. He’d been on suppressants since he’d met Magnus, but it was time for him to go off them, and he knew his nervousness wasn’t a good enough reason to risk taking them for another cycle. He was a rational person and going off them was the best thing for him, even if it did risk people finding out about his secondary gender.

He just didn’t know how to tell Magnus about any of it. He’d known since he met the Warlock that Magnus was an alpha. If his confident walk and alluring scent hadn’t told him that, then surely Magnus’s way of handling a situation or the way his hands felt on Alec’s body would have. Alphas always had a certain effect on omegas (and vice versa), and Alec had spent years avoiding said alphas, so spotting one wasn’t difficult. Especially not one was addicting as Magnus.

Loving one hadn’t turned out to be all that difficult, either.

Lying to Magnus hurt Alec more than he thought it would. Knowing there was such a big part of him he hadn’t shared made him feel like he was lying to himself, too. They’d been through so much with all the drama surrounding Valentine and the Mortal Instruments, and Alec enjoyed how close they’d become. Relationships took work and they were both trying and it was great. More than great. He didn’t really have the words to describe it, but his heart fluttered whenever Magnus was in his thoughts and everything about the Warlock was completely and utterly enthralling.

And not just because he was the first real relationship Alec had ever had, no matter what Izzy said.

But his impending heat would be a problem. He’d gone off suppressants a while ago, so Jace had started scenting him more heavily when they were around one another. Now that Alec spent more nights at Magnus’s loft than he did anywhere else, it was going to become apparent that he wasn’t an alpha himself.

Besides, Alec didn’t think Magnus liked having another alpha’s scent in his house so much. As much as he and Jace (mostly) got along these days, there were lines that shouldn’t be crossed, and Alec might have already crossed it. 

“You’ve got to tell him soon, Alec,” Jace said, after their sparring session that evening. They were in the outdoor courtyard away from other Shadowhunters, just like Alec liked it. He was sweating like crazy – training with Jace did that to a person – and he didn’t want his scent clogging up the Institute. Now that he was off suppressants, he was starting to smell more and more like an omega. Like himself.

“I know,” Alec said, as he adjusted his grip on his blades. His palms were just as sweaty as the rest of himself. He wiped his arm across his forehead. “I just can’t figure out what to say.”

“Can’t you just say it outright?”

Alec gave his Parabatai a look.

“Right.” Jace readjusted his grip on his blades and gave Alec a thoughtful glance. “You know I’m not good at giving this kind of advice, right?”

As frustrating as it was, Alec knew that Jace was correct. Jace struggled with dynamics and with Alec’s secret and all the problems it caused, but he kept it anyway. He covered for Alec anyway. And Alec didn’t want to ask any more of him, but he really did need advice. Even if it was awful.

He took a seat on one of the wooden benches and tried not to focus on how heavy his limbs felt. “I just… I really don’t want to mess up anything between us. Not again. I don’t know if keeping this secret from him is something that’s really going to hurt him.” He didn’t need to add it out loud, but Alec certainly thought it was going to be.

Jace sat down beside him. He twirled the blade around in his hand, fitting his fingers comfortably around its handle. “Look, I know Magnus makes you happy,” he finally said. He sounded uncharacteristically honest and serious. “And that you make him happy. This isn’t… it’s not a good secret to have kept, but what’s done is done. I don’t think it’s unforgiveable. I think if you guys talk and you tell him why you hid it then he’d understand. I mean, he’s been alive for centuries, hasn’t he?”

Alec nodded.

“Then he probably lived through all that omega repression and the rights movements. He’ll know all about how omegas were treated. It’s just like the gay thing. Magnus isn’t really the type of guy to judge.”

As crude as Jace’s thinking was, Alec had a gut feeling that his brother was right. Magnus had never judged someone for their sexuality or their gender or- or anything, really. He judged people on their actions, their words. How they treated each other. Alec knew that Magnus wouldn’t hate him or think less of him because he was an omega. But maybe he would because Alec had kept it from him.

And that was what he was scared of.

“I just don’t want to lose him,” he whispered.

“You won’t,” Jace said. He put his arm around Alec’s shoulder and drew him closer, resting their heads together. He didn’t seem to care that they were sweaty. “And if you do, then I’ll have to have some words with him.”

Unbidden, Alec’s lips twitched up into a smile. He tried to imagine Jace confronting Magnus on his behalf, but all he could see was a puppy standing up to a lion. There was no way he’d say that out loud, though. Jace’s pride couldn’t handle it.

“I’m going to tell him tonight,” Alec said. “I have to.”

Jace rubbed his arms. “It’ll be fine, brother.”

Alec slumped against Jace, exhaling deeply. He wasn’t a small guy, but sometimes he felt tiny, like when Jace scented him or when Isabelle held him. Even when he was with Magnus, too. He liked feeling small with Magnus. There was something very reassuring about it, even if it didn’t happen often. Alec sometimes wished it would happen more.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Alec said, when he started to choke on Jace’s scent. “Too much.”

Jace just grinned. He rubbed their heads together once more before finally deciding that Alec’s scent was adequately subdued. His scenting methods were usually vigorous – rubbing his wrist along Alec’s arms, pushing their heads together, even leaving his arm around Alec’s shoulders for an uncomfortably long time. But that evening he was gentle – he didn’t force his scent onto Alec’s skin, he let their close proximity do all the work instead. It made Alec feel a little better, even if Jace’s spicy scent was kind of excessive.

“I should get going,” Alec said, as he stood.

“Tell me how it goes,” Jace said.

“I will.”

He cleaned the blades and put them away before changing his shirt. It was easy to lose himself in the routine of putting away sparring weapons because he’d done it hundreds of times. He didn’t have time for a shower, and he knew that lingering in the Institute would only increase his nervousness, so he didn’t do anything other than wash down his arms and face. He thought about deactivating his scent blocking rune, but thought better of it. Not here. He could do that later.

The trip to the loft was eventless. Alec regretted not wearing a jacket, and rubbed his arms to keep away the chill of the night. It was dark, and even without the eyes of mundanes on him he felt exposed. Still, there was something comforting about walking to a place he considered home. It gave him a chance to cool his nerves.

Magnus welcomed him with a handsome, charming smile. “Alexander, you should have called. I would have made you a portal.”

Despite himself, Alec smiled. Magnus’s loft always had this warm, comforting scent that drew him right in. It was all Magnus, all warm vanilla and expensive cologne and something that smelt magical. He wanted to kiss Magnus like he usually did, but he shied away when Magnus came closer, making the Warlock raise a brow. 

“Something the matter?”

“Can we talk?” Alec asked. He winced at the wording, and rushed to say, “It’s nothing bad.”

Magnus hesitated, but nodded. “Of course.”

Alec nodded too, more for himself than anything. It was a simple conversation. His lover would forgive him. It was his secret to tell. Like Jace had said, it wasn’t unforgivable. 

“Drink?”

He shook his head. After leaving his quiver and bow by the front door, he went to the lounge room, and sunk nervously onto the edge of the couch. “Can you hold off on the drinks for now too, please? I… really need to say something.”

Magnus was in the middle of pouring himself a colourful cocktail, but Alec’s request made him stop. He set aside his glass and came to take a seat beside Alec. “Are you sure there’s not something wrong?”

Alec felt his lips pull down. He felt self-conscious, and shifted a little. Jace’s scent wafted off his skin, and while it comforted him, it made Magnus’s nose wrinkle. Alec didn’t blame him for that – Jace had gone a little overboard this time. But Alec was off suppressants and he was nervous and Jace was just being protective. Once Magnus knew what was bothering him he’d understand. Right?

“You know I adore your little blondie, but his scent is a little…” Magnus paused. “Obnoxious.”

Alec’s resolve wavered. “Sorry.”

“No, I don’t want you to apologise for it- but it’s just, you’re my mate,” Magnus said. He seemed a little surprised that the words came out, but Magnus was a calm, confident person, and his confession didn’t shake him. He let his worries ease out. “I get a little… prickly when there’s another alpha’s scent on you.”

There was nothing Alec could say to that. In terms of secondary genders, Magnus had every right to be annoyed at Jace. Even with their Parabatai and brotherly bond, Jace’s obsessive scenting was… unusual. Not for Alec – he knew the reason behind it – but for any other alpha it would have been off-putting. Alec was sure that if he was with any other alpha than Magnus then it would have been made a bigger problem months ago.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about, actually,” Alec choked out.

Magnus stood, and gave him an uneasy look. “What, another alpha scenting you?”

He was starting to feel small again, and not in a good way. “Sort of.”

“Is it something about my scent?”

Alec frowned, confused. “What? No.”

“If it doesn’t please you, Alec, I’d rather you just tell me.”

“It’s not that!”

“Then are you embarrassed by it?”

“No, Magnus, no,” Alec shook his head and stood, heart racing. Magnus… Magnus smelt like home to him. He wanted Magnus’s scent on his skin more than he wanted Jace’s, but that wasn’t something he could have yet. “I love your scent. You’re the best thing I’ve ever smelled. I’ve already told you that.”

Magnus let out a ragged sigh. “I know, and I believe you, darling,” he promised. “Smelling another alpha on you all the time just makes me a little frustrated.”

“I…”

“You’re my mate, and I wish you could smell like me more often.”

“Magnus–”

“Perhaps I’m being a little pedantic about all of this, but scenting is important to me, for our relationship. I’m worried someone’s going to just snatch you up right out from under me. Or that someone will think Jace is your mate, which is worse. There’s only so much of his scent I can stand in my house.”

Everything that Magnus was saying was correct. Alec agreed with all of it, too. This was a conversation that should have happened ages ago, but Alec hadn’t been able to bring himself to tell Magnus he was an omega. He knew Magnus wasn’t criticising him or attacking him, and that Magnus was only doing what they’d agreed to do – be honest. 

That’s why Alec was suddenly calm enough to say it. Because Magnus was worried he was overstepping boundaries and he only wanted Alec to be comfortable and he _wanted_ Alec. Wanted Alec to smell like him and obviously be his to anyone who caught a whiff of Alec, and somehow that reassured every little insecure part of him he had left.

“Magnus,” he said.

Magnus stopped his pacing. He turned towards Alec. His expression was open and honest and patient, even if there was a pinch of worry in his brows. 

Alec licked his lips, glanced away, then glanced back. “I’m an omega,” he said.

Everything about Magnus seemed to freeze. He gave Alec a look that went from incredulous to confused to emotionless. He didn’t say anything.

Alec shrunk into his shoulders, his mind racing. Thousands of excuses were running through his mind, all of them the truth, but he didn’t know how to say them without sounding like he was trying to make light of what he’d hidden. It wasn’t that. “Magnus?” He whispered.

Magnus held up a hand, and Alec stopped talking. “You’re an omega,” he said.

“I am,” Alec whispered. 

“And you didn’t tell me.”

Alec flinched. He couldn’t read Magnus, not like he usually could. “I’m sorry,” he said. He tried not to whimper, but he wasn’t sure if he succeeded.

“Don’t apologise,” Magnus said. His voice was level and empty and maybe a little hurt. “I just need time to think.”

“Okay,” Alec said.

“Can I be alone tonight?”

“Okay,” Alec said again. This time he sounded just as level as Magnus did.

When it came to being hurt, to hurting like he suddenly was, he always ran away.


	2. Chapter 2

He went back to the Institute. Alec didn’t know what else to do – the loft was home and the Institute wasn’t but he didn’t have anywhere else to go. So he walked back to the Institute and held himself tightly so he wouldn’t fall apart and tried to forget everything bad he’d ever done to Magnus.

Except he couldn’t.

It was all stuck in his head. Magnus had every right to be upset at Alec for hiding something important for so long. Secondary genders played important roles in relationships, and being an omega _did_ change things for Alec. His heats, for one, brought up things to consider. He needed time to experience them and it was important that his mate didn’t interrupt any of the pre-heat rituals he typically went through, like nesting and scenting.

The entire ordeal was just troublesome. Omegas usually nested before their heats. They made dens of fabrics laden with the scents of their loved ones and got irritated if anyone messed with them. Alec knew that if someone found his nest before he’d finished making it then he’d feel compelled to dismantle it and move it somewhere riskier, somewhere where no one would find it. He’d only nested a few times, but every time had always been in his room, and his siblings had been very careful to steer clear of him. Upset omegas near heat were not friendly.

There was the matter of instincts and scents, too. Most alphas more frequently scented their omegas – it was an old tradition, one that either mattered or didn’t matter depending on the couple. But alphas usually used their scent to stake their claim on their omega. It deterred others from approaching them, and usually kept them a little more under the radar when their heat was approaching. Alec knew it was an old practice but he wanted Magnus to scent him like that. He really wanted it. He didn’t know if he’d ever admit it out loud, but he wanted Magnus to claim him. He wanted to feel owned and taken and possessed and controlled (within reason, of course).

But maybe he’d ruined that now. He didn’t know.

“Alec?”

Alec glanced up. He’d only just entered the Institute, but Jace had already found him. He didn’t know what to say. Seeing his Parabatai only made him feel more humiliated. 

“What happened?” Jace asked, hesitant. He inched closer, and glanced over his shoulder before taking Alec by the arm and leading him away. “Come on, we’ll talk in my room.”

It was a smart move, one that made Alec feel somewhat more level headed. His scent became stronger and more pungent when he was upset, and hiding in Jace’s room – a place smothered in the alpha’s scent – would more than adequately cover Alec’s. It was comforting too, but Alec didn’t want to admit it. He wasn’t a child that needed his family’s scent to sooth him anymore.

Not even if he really wanted it.

Alec took a seat on Jace’s bed. It was messy and unmade, like Jace had been resting when Alec had returned to the Institute. He’d probably smelt Alec the minute he walked into the building; their bond ran deep, and that was at least something Alec could completely understand. He was just as aware of Jace’s presence when they were close by.

“Tell me what happened,” Jace said, as he sat beside Alec. He took Alec’s hand and rubbed their wrists together. Jace probably didn’t even realise he was doing it – Alec’s scent was tinged with distress and Jace was responding.

“I messed up,” Alec said. 

“Did you tell him?”

Alec nodded. “He was upset that I smelt like you.”

Jace frowned. “But we’re Parabatai.”

Alec wanted to laugh. It was such a Jace thing to say that it made him feel a little bit calmer. “You’re a rival alpha,” Alec said, “and I always stink up his home with your scent. He has every right to dislike it, Jace.”

“Right… I guess that’s true. I didn’t think of it that way.”

Alec shrugged a shoulder and let out a ragged sigh. “Me either. But we’re meant to be mates and I always smelt like you so it’s only natural he’d be irritated.”

“You’re talking too clinically, even I can tell that. This isn’t just about instincts.”

Alec pursed his lips, eyes downcast. He didn’t want to face what he was feeling. Every time he pictured that hurt look on Magnus’s face he felt his eyes burn. He didn’t want to cry, not even in front of his Parabatai. “I’ve really hurt him,” he whispered, voice hoarse. There was no way he could see to make it better.

“By not telling him you’re an omega? He can’t hold that against you,” Jace argued. “It’s personal.”

“But it changes things,” Alec said. “Scenting, heats… I don’t want to be treated differently just because I’m an omega. I’ve made him feel like he can’t trust me.”

Jace was quiet for a while. It gave Alec time to think. He knew he shouldn’t have hidden his secondary gender for this long, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to regret it. In the end it was his decision, and even if he’d decided poorly, he’d still chosen to do it himself. That was something he could say without doubt.

“What if he’s not even attracted to omegas?” Alec murmured. His mind raced at the sudden thought, and when he tried to remember what he knew of Magnus’s past lovers, he realised that none were omegas. Just like none were Shadowhunters. None were Alec. None probably lied about their dynamic.

He felt the tears then. He couldn’t blame Magnus if he wasn’t attracted to omegas, or if he couldn’t be with Alec because he was an omega. Just like people could be attracted to males or females, people could be attracted to alphas or omegas or betas. Alec didn’t have a preference, but lots of people did, and he couldn’t fault Magnus if he happened to be one of them.

“I doubt that that’s what his problem is,” Jace said. There was the beginnings of a scowl twisting at the corner of his lips. 

Alec wasn’t so sure. He tilted his head away from his Parabatai and tried to blink his tears back, but he knew Jace could feel the way his heart was squeezing through their bond, and not even the reassuring hand Jace put on his back could keep it together. “I really hurt him, Jace,” he said again, “more than before. He didn’t even want me there tonight.”

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll always want you here,” Jace said, firm. “Me and Izzy and Max will always want you here. You’re _our_ omega.”

Alec forced a thin smile. He hunched into his shoulders and pressed his head against Jace’s shoulder. When he was younger, Jace had been the only non-blood alpha he’d ever looked at. For a brief time he’d thought he’d liked Jace, but their bond wasn’t like that, and hadn’t ever been. They were Parabatai and brothers and pack mates.

“But I get it if you want to be Magnus’s omega too,” Jace continued. “You just… need to give him time. He’ll think it through and then you’ll talk and do all that healthy relationship stuff you do and it’ll be fine.”

Alec wanted to believe that, he did, but he just didn’t know what to think or feel anymore. He just wanted Magnus. It was all he’d wanted for a long time. “Can I sleep in here?” He asked. “Just for tonight.”

“Of course.” Jace stood, finally releasing Alec’s wrist. “I’m going to go grab your blanket, okay?”

He didn’t answer. Jace let him be for a moment as he left the room. He fell flat against Jace’s bed and ground the heels of his palms into his eyes. Magnus had every right to ask for space – it was why Alec hadn’t argued, hadn’t tried to plead for forgiveness then – but Alec couldn’t help but feel like it was a _rejection._ Some instinctual part of him already saw Magnus has _his_ alpha, even if they hadn’t marked each other yet. And now that he was hormonal and fragile and verging on heat he felt like he’d been turned away.

When he was younger, only just presented, he’d spent hours researching his secondary gender. They were considered the most fragile of genders because of their heats and how vulnerable they became. These days that vulnerability wasn’t considered an inherent weakness, but just for what it was: a biological cycle wherein someone needed to look out for an omega. It had frightened him, at first. All the things that could go wrong and leave him emotionally scarred made for a very long list.

Like rejection. It wasn’t something simple, like being broken up with, or being told no in bed, or anything like that. Those were things that all relationships had, that could be worked through with words or rebounds or copious amounts of ice-cream. No, the rejections that textbooks warned against were rejections between mates. Omegas in heat were just as vulnerable emotionally as they were physically, and being suddenly left alone by a trusted partner could make them unstable. Sometimes it brought on heats early, or made them more painful. Other times it stopped them altogether. 

Alec tried not to think about it. He could rise above his instincts, make himself see reason.

He just hated knowing that he’d hurt Magnus. It probably wasn’t even about his status, it was because he lied. He’d lied to Magnus again.

He didn’t know if he could fix that.

Sleep did not come easy that night. Alec laid awake for far longer than Jace did, fearing that if he did sleep all he’d do was toss and turn. He was wrapped up in his blanket, breathing in his own smell in the midst of Jace’s protective, soothing scent. Even in sleep his Parabatai was trying to help him.

He didn’t feel like he deserved it.

During the very early hours of the morning, when Alec was sure that Jace was deeply asleep, he snuck out of bed. The Institute was frightfully quiet, so much so that it didn’t feel real. He wandered the halls like a ghost, feeling alone enough to rub his own arms in search of comfort. With nothing to occupy his mind, he headed to the training room. 

He didn’t feel like setting up the archery targets, so he went for the punching bags instead. Time seemed to pass in a faded blur as he worked out his frustrations. At some point he remembered to wrap his hands, but his knuckles ended up raw and chafed anyway. The pain made him feel good. It distracted him from his thoughts, and reminded him that his heart wasn’t the only thing that could hurt. Was it healthy? No. He knew that. But he was being careful, and he wasn’t pushing himself past his limits, and he wasn’t trying to break anything.

He just needed the restless energy in him gone.

Jace found him sometime around dawn, when cold light had just begun to filter in through the Institute’s windows. Jace looked oddly disappointed as he lingered in the shadows. “You’re meant to be sleeping,” he said.

“I know.” Alec was breathing hard, and had to take a few deep breathes before his voice would stop catching. He steadied the punching bag with one hand. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“I can tell.” Jace wandered over to take a closer look at Alec’s hands. He frowned, but didn’t comment. They both had destructive tendencies, but there was a threshold for scolding, and Alec had been careful not to reach it. “Take a shower, and go back to bed,” Jace said. “You need to rest.”

There was no room for argument in Jace’s voice, and after spending all night up, Alec was too tired to fight. He knew that Jace was only looking out for him in his own sort of way, so Alec folded under the pressure, and did as he was told for once. In the end, he knew that Jace was making decisions for Alec’s wellbeing. He was getting close to heat and holing himself up in one of his sibling’s rooms was the only way he could continue to safely keep his secret. 

He showered, ignoring the stinging in his hands and the ache in his back, and went to get fresh clothes to sleep in before returning to Jace’s room. His blanket was already in there, and his brother’s scent was strong, so it was a good place to ride out his heat. Jace didn’t exactly like Alec stinking up his room with mating pheromones, but he was too protective to let Alec go anywhere else.

When morning broke, Alec fell asleep.

 

He woke up to find Isabelle sitting by his bedside. Her fingers ran through his hair, straightening it as best as she could. There was an upset look on her face, but one she was hiding well. If Alec hadn’t known her so well he wouldn’t have noticed it at all.

“Jace told me what happened,” she said, her voice small and forgiving. She had a way of speaking that made him feel like nothing was his fault. “Didn’t go well, huh?”

“Not exactly,” he rasped. He felt hot all over despite the way his skin prickled. It had been a while since he’d had a heat cycle, and the first time after suppressants was always the most uncomfortable. This cycle was no different. 

“Don’t worry big brother, it’ll all work out,” she said. It sounded like a promise when it came from her. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I want to see him, but…”

“But?”

“I don’t want to push him,” Alec said. “This is my fault for lying, and I don’t want to… to make him feel even worse. I just want Magnus to be happy.”

“He’s happy with _you,_ Alec,” Isabelle said, as she pushed hair away from his forehead. “And I know you’re happy with him. Maybe you should go talk to him today. Before your heat starts.”

Alec’s heart lurched at the thought of seeing Magnus again. That’s all he wanted to do, but was one night enough for Magnus to think things over? Alec didn’t want to overstep his boundaries, no matter how much he craved Magnus’s attention. He tried to think about it responsibly – they were mates, and had been together for a long time now. Alec trusted Magnus. It took effort to get relationships to work, and it wasn’t uneasy, and Magnus had always told him to never push Magnus away when things become tough between them or work or… anything, really. 

Maybe it would be better if he didn’t give Magnus too much time to overthink it. He needed to explain himself clearly and try to fix whatever he’d broken. 

“You can’t run away forever, Alec,” Isabelle said gently. She laid down beside him and tucked the covers up. “You don’t need to be scared of wanting him. If Magnus truly loves you as much as I think he does, then you can be vulnerable with him. You don’t need you to hide yourself from him anymore, Alec.”

He let her words wash over him. Jace’s comfort was physical; he knew what to do to make Alec calm down, to settle his mind, to heal his wounds. Jace could tell where he was hurting and he knew how to make those aches go away, or at least lessen. Isabelle was different. She healed with words, with comfort. If Jace quelled storms then Isabelle brought the sunshine afterwards. If Jace glued all his pieces back together than Isabelle rounded the edges and cleaned away the debris and made sure he never broke in that same way again.

“I’ll fix this,” Alec whispered.

“I know you will, big brother.”

It was easy to fall asleep with Isabelle there. She didn’t linger once he was out, but he woke up feeling all the more better for her company anyway. 

Sleeping had cleared his head a little, and once he’d reapplied his scent-blocking rune, he felt the heat in his stomach abate. He still had time. 

He made the bed and took another long shower before dressing for the day. It was mid-morning, and he could hear activity already well under way in the Institute. He’d already scheduled a few days off, that day included. Hopefully no one would be looking for him. It certainly made sneaking around a lot easier.

“You look like hell,” Jace said, as he caught Alec on his way out. “Have you eaten since yesterday?”

Alec shook his head. “I’m not hungry. I’m going to talk to Magnus.”

Jace frowned. He guided Alec to a private alcove where no one was likely to pass. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

“It is,” Alec said. “I can’t run away from this anymore. From who I am.”

Jace paused for a moment, but nodded. He wouldn’t argue with Alec on this, not when Alec had made his mind up. “I’m going with you,” he said.

Now Alec frowned.

“Just to the loft,” Jace clarified. “I’ll leave once I know you’re safe.”

Words of protest were lining themselves up on Alec’s tongue, but he paused. Having Jace’s company on the way might not be a bad thing. It would keep him from turning around with his tail between his legs, and it would keep nosy alphas with a too-good sense of smell from pestering him. 

“Okay,” he said, as he self-consciously tugged on the hem of his sweater. It was one of the oldest ones he had, but it was comfortable and soft, so he’d put it on. “But only to the loft.”

Jace put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go then, brother. You have a Warlock to catch.”


End file.
